In 9th & 10th grade, Ms Cacciatore attempted to teach me & a bunch of rowdy teenagers the finer points of speaking the French language. Despite the fact that it had been nearly 14 years since those days, I felt confident in my skills & was excited to put them to put them to the test during our trip to the very France-like city of Montreal.
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The “Bonjour!” rolled off my tongue, almost convincingly, as we hopped into the cab at the airport. “Je voudrais… we’re headed to… um… Auberge du Vieux Port. Um, in Vieux Montreal.” The cab driver looked at me in the rear view mirror, unsure of what exactly had I said.
“Um, l’hotel Auberge du Vieux Port?”
The car started forward & not another word was spoken.
We pulled up in front of the hotel & as I handed the driver my money, a chipper “Merci!” escaped. It was not met with a warm smile.
Hmm… apparently my French wasn’t as good as anticipated.
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“We’d like to try poutine,” I told our Tourism Montreal tour guide.
“What?,” she exclaimed.
“Poo-taine,” I said again, more cautiously.
From the backseat B chimed in “Fries with gravy!”
The tour guide laughed. What I was asking for was not fries with gravy, but a female prostitute.
Poutine, fries with gravy & cheese curds, is pronounced like Russian President Putin.
Hmm… French definitely not going as well as I had planned.
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By day three, the “Bonjours!” were rolling off my tongue left & right, like a native Parisian. “Salute!” I’d quip as we walked in & out of stores. Waiters would get excited, thinking they could speak French, but after our initial exchange, once we got past the “Bon soir – ca va?,” once they started speaking rapidly in a language that sounded nothing like French, I’d scrunch up my nose &, ashamedly say “Anglais, s’il vous plait…”
I never did figure out how to correctly pronounce the name of our hotel the name of the street we had dinner on several times, but found if I said it quickly & mumbled, cab drivers seemed to understand what I was saying.
So, bottom line Americans & other English speakers: speak quickly+ mumble = authentic French!
I think Ms Cacciatore would be proud.
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